Happy Valentine's Day with The Golden Girls

Edited and republished from older blog-

I think most people are at least tangentially aware of The Golden Girls. If not through actually having watched the show itself, then through the popularity of Betty White before her passing or even just the fact that The Golden Girls has never fully faded from the pop culture zeitgeist. It was a show that ran from 1985 to 1992. It followed 4 older women who live together in Miami, Florida and the highs and lows of being older and single. The show was unique given the age of the main characters and the fact that these women were very much still sexually active, had jobs, and in general their identities weren’t solely that they were “mothers” or “grandmothers.” Yes, that part of their lives mattered, but it’s not all they were.

The show was mostly a comedy, with the women getting into a lot of shenanigans and wacky situations. However, it wasn’t afraid to tackle tough subjects, just with a smile and some wholesomeness. The show tackled the subjects of race, sexual harassment, female empowerment, the immigration system, and the realities of getting older in a country that doesn’t do nearly enough for older people. There are also many episodes dealing with the subject of general poverty, not just how it relates to age.

– A little bit of a soapbox; in one episode, the women work at a soup kitchen, and the man running it says most people are three missed paychecks from homelessness. That episode aired decades ago, and that statistic is still true… only now it’s one –

It also dealt a lot with loneliness and losing people. Three of the four main characters were widows, and it’s a consistent theme that the show touches on and the hardship that brings. The episode I want to talk about deals with that very subject but with a slight difference.

“Isn’t It Romantic” is the 5th episode of the 2nd season. In it, Dorothy’s good friend, Jean, who lost her partner roughly a year ago, is coming to visit. I chose the term partner because, yes, Jean is gay. Her partner went by “Pat,” so Dorothy mentions that it’s up to Jean whether they will reveal Pat’s gender. Jean at first believes that it will be okay for Dorothy to decide, but when she sees how “innocent” and “child-like” Rose is, she decides to keep herself in the closet, unsure of how Rose will react. That is important later.

As the show unfolds and Jean gets to know Rose more, she starts to develop feelings for her. Rose’s kindness reminds Jean of Pat, and she is drawn to it. They also bond over their shared loss with Rose being more than willing to talk about her own pain, things she did to deal with it, and just allowing Jean to see her grief is normal. All of this is upsetting and confusing for Jean because she never thought she would have romantic feelings for somebody again (the guilt of moving on is a subject this show touches on a few times), and she also knows the feelings will not be returned.

Rose is eventually able to figure it out but even doubts it herself, knowing that she is naive. Dorothy and then later Jean both confirm it for her, though. Rose and Jean have a touching conversation where Rose says she doesn’t understand Jean’s feelings, but if she did, she would be extremely proud that someone like Jean would be attracted to her. When Jean says she is leaving early, believing she will make Rose uncomfortable, Rose asks her to stay if her friendship is enough. Jean is relieved, and the episode ends with a joke.

I think there is a lot to say about this episode. This show’s willingness to look at the hardships of being a widow/widower is noble and usually makes me teary. I think showing Jean as having the same struggle as Rose was a smart way to say something about homosexuality and how it really is the same as heterosexuality. Jean’s relationship with Pat and her grief of losing her doesn’t change just because of the gender of the people involved.

I also think the assumption about Rose taking it poorly and how Rose ultimately does respond is important. The assumption that her innocence and naivety would make it hard for her to “understand” ends up being totally wrong. Yes, Rose is a little confused, but most of her confusion seems to be wrapped up in how to let Jean down easily rather than about her sexuality. She finds out, she deals with it, and she moves on. There is more drama related to Jean being in love with Rose.

I don’t know the intent with which this episode was made, but for me, it was pretty standout. That there was a big joke about “child-like” Rose not being able to handle it when in reality, her response is compassion, understanding, and a genuine offer of friendship and support. And we can look at that with what’s happening now.

How much of being worried that it’s “too confusing” is projection? How much of it is actually just a cover for a much uglier emotion? I think it’s important to think about that.

This is a great episode. It does a wonderful job of tackling both the subjects of grief and homosexuality and does so with a solid sense of humor. There are aspects of this episode, and the show in general, that modern audiences are going to find a little outdated, but for the most part, this show was pretty forward-thinking. If you’ve never seen an episode, you may not want to start here. I would recommend a few of the earlier episodes to get a feel for who the characters are, but then add this to the to-watch list.

Happy Valentine’s Day.